If You Want Something Done Right

If You Want Something Done RightSo my buddies in the media have to make a really big deal about the fact that the election in Afghanistan was rigged. It’s all a big joke, see? “Look at those silly little brown people with their beards, trying to play democracy like the big boys. Aw, they messed it up, isn’t that cute? Do it again, do it again! Seriously. We’ve got guns.”

Kissinger and his pirate crew are gambling on the fact that the retarded majority who make up the lobotomized hive mind known as ‘The West’ will swallow it up. I mean, shit like that only goes down in backward ass countries where women are chained to the kitchen and a goat can be used as legal tender, right? Nothing like that happens here. Ever.

I mean, seriously, think about it. We’re civilized. We speak English. When we go to Starbucks and order a latte, we’re not getting a cup of coffee, we’re saving the fucking Universe! That’s how kool and awesome and special we are. Kickbacks? Double-dealing? Korruption? Not a chance. Well, maybe on your television, or in the movies. In real life, your government loves you. Trust meTM.

Here’s the thing: what really pissed everyone off to the point that they had to make such a big deal of it isn’t the fact that the election was rigged, but that it was rigged so badly that even your average man and woman living in a cave in the middle of the fucking desert managed to find out it was rigged. They made the mistake of thinking that stupid Afghanis would be just as stupid and easy to bamboozle as stupid Amerikans. They were wrong. No one in the Universe is as stupid as stupid Amerikans.

We still need a puppet ruler in that country, and we’re gonna get one. Simply for that fact that we’ve pumped too much money into the whole operation to let it slide. The next election will also be rigged, but this time it’ll be done sneaky. Properly. The way it’s done here. And our boys are gonna be there with their guns, just to make sure no one gets too upset or makes too much of a fuss about it. ‘Cuz that’s how we’ve been rolling since the ’50s.

Manolo! Where’s my stogie?

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