Uncle Teddy

Uncle TeddySo see! I knew that something wasn’t quite right! Uncle Teddy popped his clogs, kicked the bucket and shuffled off this mortal coil yesterday to take his place in Valhalla, sitting at the right hand of Crom.

The lucky, selfish bastard.

Now what the fuck am I gonna do? That guy was gonna be the lynchpin of my 2012 campaign. How the fuck else was I gonna get all those dumb-ass liberals to vote for a guy that made his name killing people with big guns? Hold hands with Uncle Teddy in public, that’s how! Now it’s all ruined, YOU BLEW MY COVERTM! EEEEYYYYAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHTM!

And you know what’s the worst thing? I only just got finished getting Manolo to write an article for Time Magazine kissing his wrinkly ass. Wunderbar.

Maria is devastated. She’s now lost her mother and Uncle Teddy in the space of a few weeks. I gave her a really big stogie to try and cheer her up but not even that worked. I think I might just retreat to the gubernatorial smoking tent and have a couple of solo power lunches to regroup.

For the first time since about 1973, I can feel my grip on the Presidency of the Universe in 2012 slipping, like a greased dumbell from my iron grasp.

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One Response to “Uncle Teddy”

  1. The Lack Says:

    Now it’s time for Teddy to explain to Mary Jo why he left her so early on their last date;

    The Lack

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