Camping for Amerika

Tent Cities

So the other day I was just sitting in my gubernatorial smoking tent having a Punch Punch and enjoying my mid-afternoon bratwurst. The birds that I hadn’t shot yet were singing in the trees, the sun was shining through the double-glazed tent flap window, and Manolo was buffing the heels of my feet with a pumice stone. He was singing Stille Nacht to me in broken German.

So there I was completely at ease; stogie, bratwurst, stogie, bratwurst, no kids, no Maria, no signature-needing, discernment-requiring gubernatorial bullshit to piss me off. This humble little, eight berth, air-conditioned, satellite up-linked tent was a little piece of Valhalla.

So that got me to thinking about all of those thousands of my fellow Kalifornians who are currently living in tent cities across the state: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT, YOU BROKE-ASS, UNAMERIKAN BUMS?!?! STOP WHININGTM!

After tits, stogies and feeling the pump, tents are the best thing Crom has ever given us! You can chill outTM, talk to all your buddies that probably couldn’t keep up with their mortgages either and have the time of your fucking lives! You don’t even have to worry about locking the doors and putting the burglar alarm on after having some beers and a few stogies, because you don’t have either! HATM HATM!

And what could be more Amerikan than living in a tent anyway? Remember the Hoovervilles of 1930s? What, you people are too good for tents in an economic depression? BULLSHITTM!

I only hope that by the time I’m President of the Universe in 2012 (all bets are off) they’ll deem if fitting to rename all such communities Schwarzeneggerburgs in my honour, and every Amerikan can pitch his tent with pride in the ravaged wasteland of his choice.

Louder, Manolo, louder! Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht…

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3 Responses to “Camping for Amerika”

  1. Marian Youngblood Says:

    I think you must be reading my mind, Schwarzie – I wrote a book, presently being turned into a screenplay starring you as Governor leading the world towards presidential potency – let me know if you’re interested – it has a lot of TENTS! you avert a world crisis & get to the top (which, natürlich, you’re already AT) It’s called SHASTA – a play on wörtezeichnis of Schwarz of course…

  2. bondan Says:

    Nice blog. We hope do not forget to visit us and We also hope can establish good relationships and good friends

  3. ranggi alvian Says:

    excuse. i’m from Indonesia.
    it’s good place. i like this place.
    greeting as an honor.
    we are to exchange link yuks. i has already input your link

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