Evil Iceberg from the Future

Evil Iceberg from the Future

So my good buddy Jim Cameron called me up yesterday, and he was crying and sniveling and blubbering like a little baby.

After twenty minutes of simultaneous sobbing and coke sniffing, he said: “I miss the old days man. We just used to blow shit up. We don’t do that anymore man. Now it’s all Academy Award this, and governor that. I can’t deal with that shit anymore. I should have listened to you and put you in Titanic instead of Leo. I can still remember the script…”

“Of course!” I said. “Just before the ship sinks I find a time machine in one of the toilets and go back in time by twenty-fours hours to warn myself that we are gonna be hit by a giant iceberg. But it turns out that the iceberg is actually an evil iceberg! From the future!

“And just as I step out of the time portal I bang my head on the poop deck and get amnesia, so I can’t remember if I’ve come back in time to save everyone from the iceberg or to instigate a catastrophic chain of events that will eventually result in the destruction of the universe! EEEEYYAARRRGGGHHHH™!!

“But then the me from the present sees me making out with his hot girlfriend who is also my hot girlfriend in the future and so he tries to kill me! By steering the ship into a giant iceberg! EEYYAAARGGHHH™!!! And so I manage to stop him just in time, and right before I shoot him in the head, I say: ‘YOU’RE GOING DOOWWWNN™!!’

“And then I light up a stogie and make out with my hot present girlfriend and my hot future girlfriend. At the same time! EEEYAARRGGGHHH™!!!”

That would have been a super-smash hit movie at the box office.


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